As parents, we are so busy, especially in recent months; so, implementing many new things at once isn’t possible because we don’t have the time, energy, or emotional drive to consistently implement change. However, you may find significant success with implementing ONE new thing at a time AND it might be just what you need to better connect with your child!
3 Ways to Manage Expectations and Teach our Children Better
Foster empathy
Teach acceptance
Create flexibility
1.Empathy
Fostering empathy through authentic interactions and opportunities for helping or assisting with age-appropriate experiences at home can create balance. Encourage the child to think critically about what they want or need and identify ways they can solve their own problem by providing two feasible options, if needed.
Try:
Food prep-based activities
Encourage your child to be more responsible for their own belongings
Reflect:
“How can you get what you want by using your words?”
“What can you do (for yourself) while you wait?”
“How do you think it made (name of person) feel, when you (state undesirable action)?”
“What can you say to (name person) to let her/him, etc. know what you need?
2.Acceptance
In usual times, children need a lot of attention and in these peculiar times, even more so. In difficult moments, it can be helpful to say: “I hear you” or “I see you” in an effort to focus on the child. In an effort to decrease power struggles, we sometimes utilize the phrase: “You can choose to be kind or choose to be quiet”; which is particularly helpful when the child is acting disrespectfully and the best thing to do is NOT ENGAGE.
Try:
Teach kindness through person-to-person interactions
Treat others with respect, even people we may not know
Support and reinforce logical consequences (something that happens and is directly related to something else that has occurred)
Reflect:
“What can you do to be kind?”
“What are your choices (in this situation)?”
“How did you handle this problem last time (i.e. yesterday)?”
3.Flexibility
Create flexibility through opportunities for power within reason or freedom within choice.
Try:
Have a notebook near the kitchen to write messages shared by the child that need to be revisited another time.
Providing two feasible and appropriate options provides the child with opportunities for power and freedom within choice.
Reflect:
“Instead, would you like this (name alternative option 1) or that (name alternative option 1)?
Harness the power of positive reinforcement to recognize desirable behavior. Why positive reinforcement!? Because goodness breeds goodness and we all need more of that these days! If we highlight the desirable actions and behaviors that we observe, then the child will likely gladly display these again in hopes of more of that positive attention. Win-Win!
Consider this:
I saw you…
I hear you…
It was kind of you to…
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